Searching for Nothing
by PepsiColaHS
Summary: Ciel, for the first time in his life since meeting his butler, is alone. In order to get rid of his feelings of longing, he leaves to look for his pissfaced, smug butler. Find him? It's not that easy. Even if you, too, are a demon.
1. Preface

I walked among the brick-lined streets of London with a scowl painted on my face. Goddamn, demon. He just couldn't learn could he. Constantly embarrassing me. If I was tall enough I'd slap the shit out of him.

However, do to unfortunate events, I'm forever 13. All Trancys fault. The little bastard got me turned into a demon and now my butler is bound to me for eternity. It must be boring for him to serve me of all people forever.

My name is Ciel Phantomhive. I'm 13 years old. My home is in London and for the first time, I'm alone.


	2. Return to Phantomhive Manor and Family

Dusk had finally came by when I found my summer house in London. In the actual city, not my real estate which is just outside the city bounds. I walked into the abandoned building and moved things around to fit my needs.

I would sit and wait for my butler to return and when he did I would apologize. I'd had all day to think about this. I thought maybe I was being childish and possibly he was right. I _should _learn to live as a demon.

It made sense, but I guess I just didn't want it too because I was still used to being human. I miss it more than I let on. I like being able to eat and drink things without them being ten times stronger than they _actually _are. I like to feel certain things. I like to be in a place like public and not be looked at oddly because I dress in darker colors. (By darker I mean black and white.)

My life is kind of falling apart at this point in time. I'm going through growing pains even though I'm not growing. Sebastian just told me it's because I hadn't gone through those things before I was made into a demon. So it's starting now.

It was also at this point, my senses and awareness for other people was becoming a thing I knew well. I noticed it before even he realized he was showing it to me. Sebastian was sorrowful.

When asked about it, the topic of discussion was changed immediately and unreservedly. It was almost like he was partially human and couldn't handle the feeling of sadness that seemed to envelope him wherever he went. He was sulking.

He's been like this since I was made into a demon and I don't blame him. I would be sulking too if I had a perfectly good soul in my grasp only to have it taken away from me all because some 15 year old kid threw a fit because his demon butler didn't love him. (I'm talking about Alois Trancy, by the way. For those of you to pig-headed to figure it out.)

It seemed like one day he just... left. Of course, he can never truly leave. I'm sure that if most people knew I was a demon and knew Sebastian was chained to me, they would pity him. Saying things like, 'What a brat! He is suited to be a demon!' or 'Poor Sebastian! Being chained to that boy forever must be a fate most terrible.'

Well, let me remind you! Alois Trancy made a deal with the demon known as Hannah and got me turned into a demon. _I __**never asked for this!**_ So for those of you who blame me, piss off. I didn't ask for this. I didn't know I was going to be a demon. I didn't see any of this happening because I was unconscious and Alois was using my body. I never saw it coming to be honest.

Alois was the last person I expected to make a deal like that. It was shocking to everyone I think. Then we had to go into hiding for a while and now I can come back because Sebastian isn't here to stop me. I'll be taking back my estate and he won't stop me. I can do what I want when I want because I can and he's not here to tell me things like, 'Young master, that's not wise.' or 'Young master that's a fool errand.'

I got the second one a lot. Still do. Well, used too. I keep forgetting he's gone.

Anyway, I was left to do what I want without having to order him away. He always gave me that blank look and said something incredibly stupid that I failed to care about.

Like what I was doing here. In my summer house in the city of London to get ready to take back my estate.

Sebastian Michaelis, after all, wouldn't stop me.

_**~* Phantomhive Manor *~ **_

The next day I stood not to far away and watched my old manor. Looking for any sign that showed human life. There was someone here. I didn't know who of course but they were there. I followed them around with my eyes a bit them looked about to see if there were more people. I think there were four total.

I'd take care of them that night.

_**~* Phantomhive Manor: Midnight *~**_

I moved silently through the trees surrounding my manor. Making sure where I was going before I moved forward. I decided to go into the manor through the back because, if I remember correctly, it's least guarded.

I made my way around and tried the door. Locked.

I rolled my eyes and suddenly wished that Sebastian was here to open it for me. I'd been having these thoughts a lot lately. I was beginning to thin it was out of spite because he wasn't here. (Well, at this point in time I was. Just wait. My opinions will change.)

The Manor must have still been guarded because I was here now dodging stones. No, not stones. Sculptures? Finnian!

"Finnian! Wait!" I yelled holing my hands up and hoping he didn't throw anything else.

"Young master? Young master!" Finnian came running at me and I'm surprised I caught him. He gave me a bone-crashing hug and I demanded he let go, but of course he didn't.

"Finnian?" A course of two voices came by and it was Mey Rin and Bard. They greeted me with tears and hugs just like Finnian had.

"Gettoff!" I huffed, pouting at them slightly.

"What are you doing here? I thought you died," Finnian asked me.

"Well I did, technically," I said, fixing my jacket.

"Either you did or didn't," Bard said, leaning down and glaring at me.

I glared back and said, "Who are you to question me? Sebastian saved me. Where is he anyway? Is he here?" I began to look around for him. Reason two I came here. I figured if he left he'd go somewhere familiar to him as of recently.

"He's not here," Finnian said.

"I would have seen him from the distance if he was even on his way here," Mey Rin said to me. He brown eyes no longer concealed by her round framed glasses.

The thought stuck me as off (Not really. He's been alive _how long_ and I thought he'd come _here?_ He most likely hates it here.). I doubted, at the time, Sebastian wasn't here. If he wanted, he could avoid all of them.

They invited me inside so I went with them. Mey Rin made me tea and Bard made me dinner. It didn't taste that bad. In fact, it was kind of good. However, there was no Sebastian and I realized I was wrong to doubt. Because he really wasn't here.

I wondered suddenly, if maybe he left me to make another deal because he needed the souls. Some quick leave because he couldn't get mine. This thought made me oddly, envious. I could feel the jealousy boil in my blood and my right eye burn a little.

I hope I'm so angry I burn his stupid hand off. (I, unfortunately, was not so angry to do this much damage.)

My mind began to wonder as we all ate together. They served me still except this time they sat with me like family. It was truly a beautiful moment. They laughed and joke and just lived their lives. They lived to the fullest and they never looked back. They kept looking forward and I couldn't see it they way they did.

I always looked back. I held onto things and I never let them go. I held regret and sorrow and pain and suffering and lies with deceit and all of this bad. So much that there was never any room for the good times, but sitting here with them brings a light to all of the memories I thought I lost. It let's those feelings of being human flood into my mind and for the first time in a long time. I had the one thing I lost come back to me.

_**Family.**_

**Made it to chapter 1. **

_Somethings people should know** () - Future Ciel's thoughts and commentary.**_

**_This means it's really important and might break your heart later._**

_General thought_

Thank you. :)


End file.
